What the ruddy nora is THIS?

[birdsofshore]

I noticed I was still getting comments on What Potter Wants, so I googled to see if it had been recced somewhere (I had a fic recced on a facebook page once, and I got comments for aaaaaaaages).

Anyway, I found this:

Insane commercial webpage, with my fic on it, with lots of words changed ???!!

Everything else on there looks like boring articles trying to sell you dodgy supplements and whatnot, and then... MY FIC. All mangled to fuck O_o

It seems to have gone through a weird translation process where odd words have been substituted with synonyms. And then, other words have just been substituted with something totally random. IT'S BRILLIANT. It's so much funnier now. In fact, I think I might ask them to do this to ALL my fics :DDD

Here is a sample, to whet your appetite:

Oh, God. Malfoy’s handiwork was moving under his robes, and in the manner that he shifted in his seat, the robes barbarous open and Harry could see… profoundly good fuck. Malfoy was stroking himself from one side his trousers, and he was clearly insensible.

LOLOLOLOL *crying here*

You have to go and see it. Does anyone know what the dickens it's all about? It's about the weirdest thing I have ever seen on the internet.

Here's another snippet of its total excellence:

“Potter.” He tilted his division to one side. “And that which exactly would you be here notwithstanding?”

“Water,” croaked Harry. “Come to generate a drink of water.”

“I penetrate. Because you don’t have a mace in your room, of course.” His meet ~ to ~ was composed of two thirds fever and one third sneer. “So you’ve get to down here, where there isn’t at all water, to get a drink. Is that proper?”

He leaned back, his elbows resting on the arms of the chair. “Or… are you in reality here because you want to perceive what it’s like to be excited your lips wrapped around my solid, aching cock?”

A little strangled true came out of Harry’s jaws.

OMG. OMG. When I read it, a little strangled true came out of MY jaws. I need to google all my fics to see if any of my other works have been lucky enough to be improved in this way. Has this ever happened to anyone else?

ETA: OMG they have PLENTY of fanfic on there:
http://www.magicpillsonline.com/?s=harry+potter&search=Search
I haven't found any flisters stories on there yet, but I'm still looking....

ETA AGAIN: WE HAVE PODFIC, I REPEAT, WE HAVE PODFIC! The amazing queenie_mab has recorded the garble-ised fic and posted it here on AO3. I cried laughing. CRIED.

Comments

[kitty_fic]

This is SO WEIRD O_O
How bizarre!

Gotta love the in-text link ads... for words like 'mouth'... lol

[birdsofshore]

It's so bizarre. If it wasn't so hilarious it would be creepy as anything. I wonder what on earth it's all about?

[eva667.livejournal.com]

That might be the most random thing I've ever seen, seriously funny though :-)

[birdsofshore]

I know! I've seen some weird shit on the internet, but this is up there with the best of it. So random. :D

[traintracks.livejournal.com]

OMG, I'm very much crying laughing over here!!!

I've never heard of such a thing, but it's totally awesome! It's like a non-English speaker Mad Libbed your fic, dude.

[birdsofshore]

*shakes head in awe* So glad I googled. Can you imagine? This could have been there for years without me knowing about it.

I'm trying to decide which is my favourite part XDD Maybe

Long before Harry was facile for it to be over, Malfoy gave him prognostic he was about to come.

SO HOT.

[0idontknow0]

I'm so confused lol. What is going on? How'd this happen? It's so totally random and weird. Are there random magic pill websites out there with other mangled fics.

Strange.

[birdsofshore]

I just... I just... I have NO IDEA. I keep trying to formulate a theory, but I can't get it to even half make sense.

Have a quote:

He didn’t seize violently Harry’s hair, or thrust into his inlet presumptuously :DDD

[sdkshelly.livejournal.com]

OMG. I am dying. Tears, tears in my eyes. that is BRILLIANT.

This is my favorite. I mean just pushed me over the edge - “I penetrate. Because you don’t have a mace in your room, of course.” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA.

[sdkshelly.livejournal.com]

Also, if you read it aloud as if you were performing Shakespeare, it's even better. I'm endlessly entertained, hahaha.

[geneva2010.livejournal.com]

LOLOLOL!!! Strangled true indeed! and a side order of Malfoy's handiwork moving under his robes, please!

[birdsofshore]

What about this one:

Malfoy shifted in the presiding officer

ahahaha I don't remember writing THAT PART. Naughty Malfoy!

or

Harry ran the tasteless of his tongue along the amplification of Malfoy,

wow, baby

or even:

The astragal of pre-come swelled and ran from the top to the bottom of the length of it. Malfoy made a exhausted groaning sound in his chest and used his clenched hand to move his foreskin up and on the ground in a long, slow motion

He moved his foreskin ONTO THE GROUND, LOLOLOLOL. While he was sitting on the chair. Wow.

[kedavranox.livejournal.com]

I. Am. Dying.

OMG This is the best laugh. I'm literally crying from the giggles.

[Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com] needs to podfic this in a very serious voice. LOLOL

[kedavranox.livejournal.com]

His eyes were closed during the time that the water sluiced over his hide, rolling down the hard planes of his carcass, flattening his hair to his fit with

DEAD

[awickedmemory.livejournal.com]

"the robes barbarous open and Harry could see… profoundly good fuck."

What the actual f***? XD

I can't say I'm surprised to see something like this happen, but I was definitely clueless to its existence. XD XD XD

"A little strangled true came out of Harry’s jaws."
↑ -dying-

[birdsofshore]

LMAO

I love that bit "profoundly good fuck". That was originally "holy fuck" XDDD

I am going to adopt that as my newest swear.

[teas-me.livejournal.com]

Harry moisture his lips as Malfoy undid the buttons of his flies. Malfoy kept his eyes adhering Harry’s, even as his cock sprang rid. Apparently, Malfoy not only didn’t bring about gradually underwear, but had deeply enjoyed their theme. His erection was flushed a grave pink and strained towards the ceiling. As Malfoy took it in his ~-breadth, a bead of moisture emerged at the extremity.

Totally makes me shudder with delight. :D

[birdsofshore]

Malfoy not only didn’t bring about gradually underwear,

LOLOL that Malfoy! He's so bad, he never only doesn't bring about gradually underwear. You know, I could get used to talking like this :D

I also quite like "a grave pink".

[notearchiver.livejournal.com]

Absolutely the funniest thing I've read in months. This is amazing. It's like someone google translated the fic into a different language, then put it back into English. :)

[birdsofshore]

It has vastly improved it. :DD I just.... don't understand. Sometimes a word is changed, and sometimes it's the same. Sometimes it's a synonym, and other times completely random. I am just completely bamboozled.

[who_la_hoop]

THIS IS AMAZING.

[birdsofshore]

IKR? This is possibly the best thing that has happened to me since I joined this fandom :DDDD

Do you think someone has arranged for it to happen as my owl post gift??? :DDD

[vaysh]

I could understand that a dodgy supplement site is trying to spice up their hits with juicy fanfiction. But there definitely were some translation robots at work here. I tried to find a system, and there is none. It is beyond hilarious.

[birdsofshore]

It defies explanation. There's no system to it - just a glorious surrealism.

[ashindk.livejournal.com]

Bwuh? That's... Surreal.

[birdsofshore]

No, that's profoundly good fuck :DDDD

[firethesound]

This is the most wonderful thing I've read in a while. I am dying, DYING over this.

Fucking unassuaged remorse inward-torment. He really, really wanted to fare it. What in the name of Godric was he going to render now?

This fic is like the gift that keeps on giving.

::bookmarks it::

[birdsofshore]

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD. I hadn't seen that bit.

unassuaged remorse inward-torment. I think that was just 'hell' originally? O_o I feel so silly just using the one little word, now I know how powerful the phrase "unassuaged remorse inward-torment" is.

I'm tempted to save it in case they delete it. They'll be a bit surprised when they see the hits on that page, do you think? :D Maybe they'll realise that garble-ising my fics is the secret to internet success? They might do a series :DD

So I did a Search...

[josephinestone.livejournal.com]

http://www.magicpillsonline.com/?s=%22FIC%3A%22&search=Search

Re: So I did a Search...

[josephinestone.livejournal.com]

"Organic Healthy skin care Tips meant as being Mature Skin color."


This was part of a fic...

[sophie-french.livejournal.com]

Oh god, that made me laugh so hard! And believe, it's quite hard at the moment! I have absolutely no idea what happened to your fic, but this is hilarious! :)))

[birdsofshore]

Aw, I'm very glad it gave you a laugh. I was feeling so tired at the end of the afternoon, but this made me hoot with glee. I love random silliness, and this takes the biscuit.

[josephinestone.livejournal.com]

If you search for just Harry/Draco the story right under yours is by lomonaaeren Actually, the next five are hers, and then Lost to You by [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com]. I'm just going to continue and tag them all, so that they will see this post. Hopefully, you don't have it f-locked do you?

Marathon is lomonaaeren's as well. She was stolen from the most I see. The next four are hers and then a H/D Holidays. So this one took a bit of searching, but the author is deirdre_aithne. I had to find the original H/D Holiday story.

And the last one is by simone_writes.

[birdsofshore]

Just please wait until mabs has podficced my garble-ised story before anyone takes action against the site! It's too funny, but I understand people may be unhappy with their work being used in this way.

This post isn't flocked, no. All welcome.

[icmezzo.livejournal.com]

Gonna need a bigger towel. *nods*

[birdsofshore]

ahahahahah

This is beyond towel-drying. This needs something like a blow-torch :DD

[mab.livejournal.com]

LINK to the PODFIC!

http://archiveofourown.org/works/1080506

[birdsofshore]

Oh, god, mab, I think this is going to kill me. I only listened to the first minute or so and I have tears streaming down my face and I I've woken the baby up :DDDDDD

You're a genius, an utter genius.

(and I totally wish you would read the straight version :DDDD)

[subtlefire.livejournal.com]

This is THE BEST. This should be a thing that everyone does. Like, there should be a comm where people submit their stories, and the mods Google translate it to another language of their choosing and then back to English.

"I penetrate." Hee!

[birdsofshore]

I know. I'm just so grateful that my fic has been transformed in this way. I don't know what I did to deserve this :D

[megyal]

What in the WORLD???!

[birdsofshore]

A very, very, very strange world it is, with this in it :DD

[phoenixacid.livejournal.com]

Profoundly good shit!!!! That's just so bizarre. I think they are just duplicating pages and trying to generate hits for money or something.

[birdsofshore]

It's insane.

Did I cursory reference that Potter wants to suck my cock?

LOLOLOL

[iwao.livejournal.com]

OMG, Birds! I saw this post earlier and went to read it, and I laughed SO much, my daughter thought I was having a fit! I had tears running down my face! I had to listen to the podfic, and I laughed myself senseless all over again! This is the funniest thing I've seen in a VEEERY long time! I can't even pick my favourite bit!

*wiping away the tears*

[birdsofshore]

I woke my toddler up laughing at Mab's podfic :D I can't believe my good fortune that a) this happened to my fic, and b) that I found it! Just think, we might never have discovered this amazing piece of work!

You keep bringing it up. I’m despicable, but it’s getting kind of palpable, Harry.”

Harry pulled the covers throughout his head.

:DD

I died

[digthewriter]

“Potter.” He tilted his division to one side. “And that which exactly would you be here notwithstanding?”

Re: I died

[birdsofshore]

It's too good, isn't it?

People efficacy misunderstand, and not realise that having a vagary about Malfoy’s cock was entirely innocent and had nothing to do with Harry wanting to suck it

[amorette.livejournal.com]

This is really really odd and creepy. It looks like some spammy marketing thing where they have a corporate blog, and someone working on their blog just copy pasted your fanfic. (I sued to work as a marketing intern where we basically did sketchy, weird SEO things....)

Someone working at this company (probably an intern) is a huge fan of your work and reads it at work, and just probably did this to pass the time.

How bizarre, though.

[birdsofshore]

They seem to do it a lot with different fanfic! It seems random rather than someone being a fan, although I'm so glad they picked mine, LOL