birdsofshore | Fic: Luna Lovegood's Noisy Nifflers Nursery School

Title: Luna Lovegood's Noisy Nifflers Nursery School
Author:

birdsofshore
Word count: ~ 900
Rating: PG
Characters: Luna, various Next Gen kids. Draco is also a feature although he does not actually appear :D
A/N: Inspired by

raitala's fic, Those Are Pearls, where Draco mentions his decision to send Scorpius to Luna's nursery school. The prospect of Luna in charge of a bunch of pre-schoolers was irresistible. However, this is also an homage to Joyce Grenfell's fabulous George, Don't Do That monologues, which are huge favourites of mine. You might find Luna's character here is more influenced by Joyce Grenfell's determinedly cheerful, beleaguered nursery teacher, than by canon. Unbetaed.

Written for the HP Character Love Fest

***

Listen, children, we have a new friend joining us today at Noisy Nifflers. This is Hugo. Yes, that's right, he's Rose's little brother. Everybody say, “Hello, Hugo.”

Yes, Albus, I know you've met Hugo before. Yes, that's right, you've been to his house.

No, of course he isn't going to stick your head in the Floo! He's only just three, and you're a big boy of four, Albus; you don't need to be scared of Hugo.

Oh, he did it last week, did he? Well, I'm sure he won't do it here. We never stick each others' heads in the Floo when we're at nursery school.

Scorpius, we don't say “Not another wretched Weasley.” Well, because it's not very nice.

No, not even if it's what your Daddy says. I'm sure your Daddy didn't say that, anyway.

Oh, he did, did he, Rose? You heard him when he dropped Scorpius off? Well, I'll have a little chat with Scorpius' Daddy at going-home time.

Yes, Scorpius, I do often have a little chat with your Daddy, don't I?

Yes, I do think he's a very nice man.

Well, I don't really have a favourite out of all the Daddies, but I certainly do think your Daddy is a nice man.

Yes, his hair is nice.

Yes, and his robes are nice.

Yes, Scorpius, I'm sure he does buy you lots of—

What's that, Rose? Your Daddy says that Scorpius' Daddy is still a stuck-up— Oh, Rose. We never use that word at Noisy Nifflers, do we?

Now, quiet everyone, we're going to all sit down and listen to the story of Theodore the Thestral.

No, Thestrals aren't creepy and weird, Scorpius; they're loyal, gentle creatures.

Yes, I know only some people can see Thestrals. Your Daddy can see them? Yes, I'm sure he can.

He can see them because he saw his teacher get eaten by a giant snake? Ah... well. Life can be full of troubles, sometimes. But it's good in some ways that your Daddy can see Thestrals. They're quite special.

Don't cry, Rose, of course I'm not going to get eaten by a giant snake, dear.

Yes, Hugo, if I do get eaten by a giant snake, I promise you can watch. But I'm not going to. No. Not next week, either.

Shhh! I'm going to start the story. Everyone sit down on your bottoms and put your hands in your laps.

Hugo, what's that in your hands, dear? Can you give it to me?

No, don't put it down Rose's robes! Oh, Hugo! What was it? A Flobberworm! Rose, don't scream, dear. It won't bite you. Stop wriggling a minute, and I'll... there.

Just wipe the mucus off, dear. Just use your hanky. It'll be fine. Don't cry.

Why are you crying, Hugo? It's your pet? Called Fred? We don't bring pets to Noisy Nifflers except when it's Bring a Pet Day. I'll put it up here. You can have it back at home time.

You named it after your dead Uncle. Well, isn't that—

No, Fred can't sit with us for story time.

No, well, I'm sure he does like stories, but I don't think—

Scorpius, please don't snigger like that. It's not very gentlemanly. I'm sure your Daddy never sniggers like that.

He does? Oh, well, perhaps he does.

You know, let's leave the story for now, everyone. I think I'll put on some music and we can play Let's Pretend. All right, everyone? Let's pretend to be Crumple-Horned Snorkacks.

That's it, Rose! Beautiful movements. That's right. Really feel the music.

Very elegant, Scorpius.

Albus, try to put a bit more life into it! You look rather like you've been sat on by something.

Oh. You were sat on by Hugo while I was putting the music on?

Hugo, dear— oh, Hugo. Don't do that. Crumple-Horned Snorkacks never do that. No. They just don't.

No, not even the really naughty ones.

Albus, try and dance like the others. Look at Scorpius. See how he's swaying and twirling.

Yes, he is a good dancer, isn't he?

Yes, he certainly does have pretty hair.

No, I don't think he wants you to stroke it, Albus.

What's that, Scorpius? You do want him to? Er... well, just for a minute, then, Albus.

Hugo! Crumple-Horned Snorkacks don't do that, either!

You're being a Flobberworm? I've never seen a Flobberworm do anything like that. Just sway nicely, dear, and try to feel the music.

No, Rose, it's not gross and disgusting when people kiss each other. It's nice.

No, not even if it's two boys. It's a lovely thing to do.

Now, Albus, where have you got to? He's in the playhouse with Scorpius, is he, Rose? What's he doing in there?

Oh, Albus! We don't go in the playhouse and kiss our friends when we're at Noisy Nifflers, dear!

No, not even if they have got the prettiest hair!

Yes, Rose, I know I said it was a lovely thing to do, but I didn't mean—

Oh, Scorpius, of course your Daddy will be pleased that you and Albus are getting on so well. I think you probably misheard what he said about the Potters

It was on the front page of the Daily Prophet, was it? Are you sure about that, Rose? Oh, dear, perhaps—

Ah, look, Scorpius! Here comes Daddy now to collect you. He's just Apparated at the end of the path. Let's go and tell him together, shall we? I'm sure he'll be thrilled you've made a new friend.