Ficlet: Regrets (H/D, PG, ~700 words)

[birdsofshore]

I wrote this last night when I couldn't sleep. It has all the literary qualities you would associate with an unbetaed work of fanfiction, written on a phone under the covers late at night, but I hope it will adequately explain my feelings about recent events.

Title: Regrets
Author: birdsofshore
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Word count: ~700
Warnings: Affectionate disrespect towards a certain author. The tragic and suspicious disappearance of a major character. Ridiculousness. Sorry. It was cathartic.

"Harry, why exactly are we hiding behind the sofa?"

"Shhh!" Harry's eyes were wide, and he froze in place, crouching on the floor. "Listen. She's here again!"

"Who is here? Why is she knocking in that crazed manner? Is it one of your deranged fans?"

Harry ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "Kind of," he whispered. "But please, keep your voice down."

There was more frenzied knocking, then a tapping at the window. A voice carried in, urgent and pleading. "Harry? Harry, I know you're in there! Please, open the door. I just want to explain. I've changed my mind!"

Draco frowned. "If it's that ex-wife of yours, I think you should tell her that the time for changing of minds has long passed."

Harry grimaced. "No, it's not Ginny."

"Harry!" The voice from outside was insistent now, taking on a tone of command. "Listen, my boy, I made you, and I can break you. Now, unless you come out and start doing what I tell you, right now, I'll... "

There was some imaginative swearing, followed by furious muttering that sounded like "Knew I should never have written that bloody epilogue."

Harry moved his mouth close to Draco's ear. "I don't know what to do. It's not that I don't like Hermione. I think she's a great girl. But I just don't think of her in, you know, that way."

"I should hope not!" Draco sounded appalled. "Is that what this is all about?"

Harry nodded glumly. "She keeps coming round and telling me she made a mistake."

"Hermione does?"

"No! Her, you know: She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named."

Draco's face looked blank.

"You know. The Creator." Harry waggled his eyebrows. "Jay Kay Arr?"

"Oh, her." Draco used his most scathing tones. "You don't need to pay any attention to her. I'd be a neurotic wreck if I listened to everything she says."

"She says that Hermione and I are meant for each other. That she regrets marrying me off to Ginny."

Draco frowned. "She needs to make her bloody mind up."

"I think she has done. She's quite determined. Sometimes she brings... " He shuddered. "... fan art."

Draco drew back, horrified. "Dear Merlin! That's uncalled for. I think you should alert the Aurors, Harry. Or even a Healer. Perhaps she needs help."

Harry's voice lowered until Draco could barely hear him. "I think you're right. And there's more." He looked around to make sure they were quite alone. "I think she had something to do with Ron's mysterious disappearance."

"Surely not!" Draco said, shocked.

"I'm sorry, but I can't help but wonder, when she sends me Owls saying things like Now that ginger meathead is out of the way, nothing and no-one can stand between you and perfect happiness."

"Does she indeed?" Draco drew himself indignantly up from behind the sofa, but Harry pulled him down again, dragging him by the shirt. Draco toppled forwards and landed on Harry's chest, leaving them nose to nose.

"Please, Draco. Don't let her see you. She usually goes away after half an hour or so, if I keep quiet. And I'm worried about what might happen to you, if she finds out we're seeing one another."

Draco put his head on one side. His breath was tickling Harry's cheek. "All right. I suppose it's not all bad, being here with you."

Harry nuzzled into Draco's neck, scratching his stubble against the line of Draco's jaw. "Good. I'll talk to Hermione tomorrow; she'll know what to do."

"Hermione won't get any funny ideas?"

Harry laughed. "Are you kidding? She once said she loved me dearly, but that I had the sex appeal of a potato."

"Well... " Draco shifted a little to get comfortable. "I have to disagree with Miss Granger on that point. Seeing as we're stuck like this for a while... what do you think we could find to amuse ourselves?"

Harry looked innocent. "Think up names for all of the dust bunnies under the sofa?"

There was the unmistakeable sound of a zip being undone, then Draco leaned in for a kiss that warmed Harry right to his toes. "I have a much better idea. One that will leave you with absolutely no regrets."

Comments

[torino10154]

Just so. *giggles* Carry on, boys. ;)

[eidheann_writes]

Awwww

I have serious doubts that Hermione would play nice with someone telling her what to do. She brewed polyjuice when she was 12? 13? I hesitate to think on what she can accomplish now.

[sophie-french.livejournal.com]

This is brilliant!!! You're amazing, do you know that!!! It's just perfect, I love it!!!!!

[susannah-wilde.livejournal.com]

Lol, no regrets indeed! Poor Ron, he really doesn't deserve all the bashing he's getting in comments from articles I've read. Great job. ♥

[blamebrampton.livejournal.com]

That is terrific!

[capitu]

This is priceless. <3

I love, "You know. The Creator." Harry waggled his eyebrows. "Jay Kay Arr?"
I saw it and I wasn't sure, but the I pronounced it and lol JKR! lulz!

Sometimes she brings... " He shuddered. "... fan art."

Draco drew back, horrified. "Dear Merlin! That's uncalled for. LOLOLOL

Sending Auros on her WTF. XD


As you were, boys!

[micehellhpdm.livejournal.com]

I F***ing love you for writing this! *throws hearts and flower at you until you're buried with them*

[oakstone730.livejournal.com]

Brilliant! I loved the ominous sound of "The Creator- Jay Kay Arr"!!!!

re: Regrest

[vaysh]

She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named
Absolutely priceless.
Listen, my boy, I made you, and I can break you ...
Ha. Dark!fic in the making right here. :)

This is the best commentary yet on that whole affair. It is too bad JKR will never see it because I kind of think she's love it. Sort of.

[kedavranox.livejournal.com]

Haha! Lovely. I thought of doing something like this myself, but now I don't have to! Yay. Lol.

[indyonblue.livejournal.com]

Brilliant <3

Sometimes she brings... " He shuddered. "... fan art." She's a sly one, that Jay Kay Arr!

[omi-ohmy.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad you went with this! And bypassed all keyboard difficulties. I think yours is a perfect response. Hoorah for under-the-duvet writing, I say.

<3

[sdkshelly.livejournal.com]

LOLOL. This is priceless and absolutely perfect!!

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

*snorfles* This was cute and hilarious and put a huge smile on my face.

[traintracks.livejournal.com]

ILU for this!!!!!!!!

:-DDD

She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named indeed!

[eelegantlyeevil.livejournal.com]

this was hysterical

do you think we could oblivate jkr and have her come out and tell us Harry and Dumbledore were/are gay?

Thank you for sharing

[khalulu]

:D

[anemonen.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha! Fabulous :D

[mab.livejournal.com]

I love this! ♥

[firethesound]

This was just great! Made me laugh aloud. She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named indeed! XD

[dicta-contrion.livejournal.com]

Ahahahaha! This is amazing.

"Knew I should never have written that bloody epilogue." Indeed!

[hazel-wand.livejournal.com]

Ahahahaha that is hilarious and almost makes up for that stupid interview. And my crazily cruddy day. Thank you so much for this. Love it!

[playing-perfect.livejournal.com]

"Oh, her." Draco used his most scathing tones. "You don't need to pay any attention to her. I'd be a neurotic wreck if I listened to everything she says."

Brilliant line! Made me laugh.

This was a lovely little ficlet.

[eva667.livejournal.com]

Adored ! So funny and so many classic lines for such a short little fic, much love :-)

[meglw0228.livejournal.com]

LMAO! OMG this is priceless! The BEST response, by a mile, to JKR's revelation! I love Harry being afraid of "You know. The Creator." Harry waggled his eyebrows. "Jay Kay Arr?" as he puts it! And Draco! The mix of indignant, protective, and comforting is perfect!

And Go Draco!

Wonderful work! Thank you for sharing!