Quick meta rec and a last lines quiz

[birdsofshore]

I took everyone's point about not composing posts in Word, so fingers crossed this one won't look as fucked up as usual...

I was really inappropriately excited to see Ever so slightly longer, but not quite as thick pop up in my AO3 feed this week. I'd heard about this article before, but it had been taken down years ago, and I'd never been able to read it. Anything that describes itself as being "Toward a quantitive literary sexology of Harry Potter fanfiction" is immediately intriguing, and the premise - that in H/D fanfiction, Harry is generally described as having a short, thick penis, whereas Draco's is long and thin - is simultaneously fascinating, arousing and hilarious. There's bar charts, pie charts, and conclusions such as

"Online survey results (303 respondents) demonstrated that the fandom at large concurred with the fanon generalisation that, compared to Harry's, Draco's cock was (1) longer (72.6% to 27.4%) and (2) thinner (82.8% to 17.2%)."

What do you think? Do you personally spend a lot of time contemplating the differences between Harry and Draco's cocks? Do you think I'll go blind if I think about it any more? Does your head canon fit with these findings?

I found another lovely HP canon quiz, after doing the top 200 characters one I tried last month. This one is on characters' last lines and as before, I can stand as a dire example, to make everyone feel better about their own results.

I got 33 out of 47 and I want to kick myself for some that I missed. I found it a testament to JKR that so many of the lines could clearly only be from the mouth of one character; her voices are so distinctive. Having said that, I missed Lucius Malfoy, which is a dead easy one *gnashes teeth*. I was also doing the horrendous racking brains thing on Charity Burbage. I could NOT remember her name. And in a double whammy of dimwittedness, I missed both Barty Crouch junior AND senior.

There are some heartbreakers in there: Lupin, Tonks, Xenophilius Lovegood, Neville, and even Crabbe's last lines are all emotional in different ways. JKR seemed to particularly enjoy making some of them grimly ironic, as in Moody's "See you in about an hour at the Burrow," or Crabbe's "Like it hot, scum?"

How many did you get, and which one is your favourite? I must admit to loving Draco's last line: "I'm Draco Malfoy, I'm Draco, I'm on your side!" The wonderful mixture of ignominy and self-aggrandisement; the implication of "don't you people know who I am?" along with the fear and desperation you can hear in it. ♥ I loved this quiz and it made me want to reread the whole series and roll around in all the wonderful dialogue.


Finally - hd_fan_fair is rolling around again and I am getting my prompts ready *shuffles index cards*. I can't believe the delightful theme this year. I want to prompt and write and read ALL THE BOOK FIC.

Comments

[sisi-rambles.livejournal.com]

Well I got 31, so your "dire" result stands better than mine.

You're right. A lot them are so distinctive that they're dead easy, like Draco and Crabbe. I had so much trouble remembering Crouch's name. I knew exactly who it was and I even had David Tennent in my head for Jr but it took me forever to remember, and of course I couldn't spell Gregorovitch!

[birdsofshore]

I was secretly quite pleased with my results, but in the last quiz everyone thrashed me, so I was expecting the same again! I did take the full 15 minutes trying different options for some of the questions, so that score didn't come easy to me, I worked for it, LOL.

I appear to have a 100 per cent mental block as far as the Crouches go, but I was most cross about poor Charity Burbage.

[melusinahp.livejournal.com]

I got 37. :) I couldn't remember.... It's gone again. The portrait. Or Frank Bryce. I missed Dudley! That one should have been obvious.

Really fun, though. I hadn't realised that was Draco's last line. *cuddles him*

[nathalieweasley.livejournal.com]

Your post looks all pretty :)

Probably should not read that cock article at work but my initial reaction to your post was "But of course!" while laughing simultaneously. *puts article on top of to-read list*

I got 29/47. This quiz seemed much more difficult then the previous one that you posted, particularly because you had to enter the specific character for specific quote (which I suppose is the point but it makes life more difficult haha).

I DIDN'T GET HARRY POTTER. -_-

For me, the last lines of Diggory,both Crouches, Moody, Krum, Sprout, Peeves, Narcissa, Hermione, Ron, Dudley, Cho, Petunia, Fred, Frank Bryce, Neville, Bellatrix, Luna were quite strong quotes and I could immediately identify them (and Grindelwald but I couldn't spell his bloody name).

The more "generic" quotes I found particularly difficult, i.e. Ginny, McGonagall, Trelawney,... Some others (Lucius, Dobby, Hagrid), I recognize now, but couldn't place at the time.

[facecat.livejournal.com]

Only 27 right.

Might be time for a re-read.

[eidheann_writes]

Ahahaha! ♥

[eidheann_writes]

Haha! It's been ages since I thought of that essay.

I think some of it is self-fulfilling. Most fics I've read that describe either's penis in more descriptive terms than hard or hot follows that description. So it wiggles its way into your brain where all the wobbly "is this canon or headcanon?" thoughts hang out.

[fantasyfiend09.livejournal.com]

I got 30 out of 47, so I'm feeling the shame. With a couple, I knew the character but couldn't remember the name (like Frank). Apparently I blocked out all three Dursleys. Oops.

I tend to think of Draco's cock being just a bit longer and thinner, but that's probably because I tend to think of Draco being just a bit taller and thinner in build. I know cocks don't have to match the rest of the physique, but I think I want them to.

[mab.livejournal.com]

That was fun. I got 45 out of 47. Missed Vernon Dursley and Mcgonagall. \o/

[inspired-being.livejournal.com]

I just did the last quote quiz and to make you feel better, I only got half as many as you did, at 15/47. So really, only the obvious ones. Having said that, I've only read Deathly Hallow once and that was in the week after it came out 6 years ago. Although, I did get both Barty Crouch Jr. & Snr, but I've read GoF more than once. I didn't get Crabbe or Moody's, I would have got Xenophilius' but I didn't know how to spell his name :S

I can't help but love the trio's, Remus &heart; and Molly.

Got 26 the second time round and forgot the unclick 'show the answers'. There were 4 others I knew, but couldn't think of names and other I'm kicking myself for not knowing.
Thanks for sharing!

[thusspakekate.livejournal.com]

I saw the quiz earlier today and tumblr and got 37. I'm ok with that. I am so embarrassed that I missed Crabbe though. I was like "wtf? what kind of douchebag would say something so stupid?"

OH. Oh.

And although I eventually got Ron's, my initial guess was Gilderoy Lockhart. (｡◕‿◕｡)

[ms-hecubus.livejournal.com]

I got 32, although some of them I missed because I can't spell and it wouldn't take my creative attempts.

[khalulu]

hey, I got a puny 21 although I swear I spelled Viktor Krum's name right and it wouldn't give it to me - also I couldn't remember Luna's dad's first name, or Charity Burbage's name. I forgot about Dumbledore talking after he died!

[birdsofshore]

Ah, if you got 37 then I am really happy with my score, hee :D

I missed Sir Cadogan even though I am reading POA to my son every night, and he loves the way he talks. I got Dudley, yay!

I think I missed DUMBLEDORE O.o I was confused with him and Charity B, for a start, then I forgot that he talks again later.

[birdsofshore]

Harry's was hard! I think something about that chunk of quotes made me realise they were epiloguey, and from then on I was just plugging different names in to see which fit, to be honest! It certainly wasn't instant recognition on my part for a lot of them.

I think the cock article looks suitably work-related, with bar charts and all, but could cause upset / hilarity if your boss wandered over to see WHAT was on the bar chart :DDD

[birdsofshore]

It's always time for a re-read!

I only got 33 through trial and error, a lot of the time! Sometimes I guessed about 5 wrong answers before I got the right one.

[birdsofshore]

Ah, you think longer too? Interesting. All the characters are uncircumcised in my head canon (well, the lucky few whose penises I have considered in depth :D)... they are British, after all.

[birdsofshore]

Yes, it's definitely circular. But it's interesting how we fall into these general agreements. Like when who_la did that poll and everyone agreed Harry is bisexual, Draco is gay, and Snape is "something else" :DD

[birdsofshore]

Yes, cocks matching the physique is neater and altogether more pleasing. I am wondering now if femmeslash or het writers do the same with their characters' genitalia. Blimey, what a thought. O.o

It took me a while of trying different answers to get 33. I ran out of time in the end. Was that cheating?

[birdsofshore]

Queen of Quizzes! That's amazing!

I got the two you missed :D

But, as we have established, I missed 14 different ones.

[birdsofshore]

Some of them are so lovely, aren't they? I like the way some of them really seem to convey something about the character.

I'm feeling quite happy about my score! I presumed everyone else would trounce me again.

[birdsofshore]

I kept trying to put Lockhart in for a couple of them! I got Ron fairly easily, but some others were a mystery.

37 is very respectable.

[birdsofshore]

Yes spelling was an issue! I think it should have had an autocorrect option. :D

[birdsofshore]

Dumbledore totally foxed me. I was putting in everyone connected to the cloak, (I knew it was talking about the cloak) but not Dumbledore, doh.

[melusinahp.livejournal.com]

I didn't get Harry either! I feel I should bow my head in shame.

[eidheann_writes]

Haha
I didn't, but I read *very* little Snape, so I went bi/bi/straight

*bad slasher*

[evilgiraff.livejournal.com]

I got 35 - not bad, and I missed Charity Burbage (I knew it was her, I just couldn't remember her name), Dumbledore (how embarrassing), and McGonagall. I knew Gregorovitch, but "that wand dude" doesn't really win any points... I'm feeling quite smug that I got the Crouches and all the Weasleys except Percy. I didn't get Peter Pettigrew - it doesn't really sound like him! Great line, though.

Draco's is wonderful, as is Snape's. Ron's makes me laugh, and Dudley's makes me want Dudley/Harry reconciliation gen fic. Narcissa's is probably one of the most memorable - fabulous line. Hagrid's surprises me, it sounds like he'd have more to say after that. Harry and Ginny are the last lines of Deathly Hallows, aren't they? It's certainly a conversation, anyway, as soon as I got Ginny I knew which one was Harry.

The cock thing is indeed my head canon. But is that because it's like that in so many fics it has become true? You should have asked me before the Potterverse drew me in! :D

[evilgiraff.livejournal.com]

Same in my head! They are British, therefore they have foreskins and drink tea :D

[evilgiraff.livejournal.com]

Just looked at hd_fan_fair - what a great concept! I may write for it...

[nathalieweasley.livejournal.com]

Well, sir, this chart refers to mentions of penises while this one... :P

[nathalieweasley.livejournal.com]

Agreed. I will join you.

[nathalieweasley.livejournal.com]

Do you have a link to that poll? And, again, my reaction was "Well, duh." :D

[nathalieweasley.livejournal.com]

Haha, I saw Crabbe's as well (and missed it) and had that same "wtf? what kind of douchebag would say something so stupid?" moment.

[birdsofshore]

I got Harry when I realised some of them formed a conversation from the epilogue. I reckon you have all BLANKED the epilogue from your minds, heh.

[birdsofshore]

Foreskins and tea should not really appear in the same sentence.

[birdsofshore]

Your head canon has a lot more interesting stuff going on than a lot of people's, I must say :D

[birdsofshore]

http://who-la-hoop.livejournal.com/103795.html
It wasn't unanimous, but it wasn't far off :D

[birdsofshore]

I missed Dumbledore, and Pettigrew. I was racking my brains over Percy's. It's interesting what information we retain, out of the million plus words of the series.

[fantasyfiend09.livejournal.com]

Femmeslash and het writers have to worry about breasts, so maybe that's enough. Those exterior bits are easier to imagine/write about than the internal ones. We think about cocks a lot, but how many of us have strong opinions about the details of Draco or Harry's anal canal?

There's no cheating in trivia games as long as you learn something. Or so I tell myself each time the bloody Telegraph crossword leads to Goggle.

[birdsofshore]

"how many of us have strong opinions about the details of Draco or Harry's anal canal?"

*falls over laughing*

Nobody actually ANSWER that question, PLEASE

[dragonstag.livejournal.com]

That article is beautiful – of course, I love all literary discussions like that, but this one in particular and I think you know why *cough*

Thanks for reccing this! :)

Edit: Just did the quiz and I CANNOT believe I missed Harry Potter's last line. *stands up and applauds self dramatically for stupidity*